Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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