Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
