I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
