I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
