i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
