did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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