I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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