i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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