I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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