I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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