There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
