you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
