Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
