hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
