we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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