Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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