You just made me feel so damn special
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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