Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
