i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
