so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
