in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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