I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You were trust falling into bushes
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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