there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
