I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
