Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
