She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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