she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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