"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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