and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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