my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
