so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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