i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
