What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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