Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
