he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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