I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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