Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
MIDGETS
????
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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