my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
