I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
