I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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