I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
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My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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