and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
