We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You are the jesus of drinking
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
