i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I can't trust your balls anymore.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
