I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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