i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There r osticjed everywhere
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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