I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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