So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
