I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's rum buckets o'clock
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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