I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
