I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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