My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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