do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
