Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
