I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
