Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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