You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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