we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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