i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
