i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
