I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
