i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
